I am a firm believer in miracles,expecially after what happened to me two weeks ago yesterday.

I was getting out of my van at my church when I slipped on a patch of ice backwards.

I wound up busting my head open and causing a small portion of my brain to bleed and causing me to pull muscles in my neck

The way I fell and the type of injury I sustained should have been much worse...but other than the blood on the brain,8 staples in my head and a sore neck I didn't sustain any further brain injury (ect)

If you had seen the way i fell then you would believe it too.

Unless for some reason you just can't believe in God or miracles.

But for me I believe I am a walking,breatheing living miracle..

Even the doctors and nurses kept saying that it was a miracle I didn't have a worse injury.

I still get headaches since the fall but they are slight nothing like they were 2 weeks ago........but God is still good and always will be.

 

II have been doing alot of thinking about the season of winter many of us are in now.....both physically and hypothetically.

Winter is a tough time for many expecially when we experience losses like we have with Renee and like I have with my uncle last month.

I have even found myself asking Why ?

I know in many Christian circles one is practically condemned if you even ask God the question Why . Some are taught ....as I was ...that asking God why is a sin because you are questioning God's authority,,,Well I don't believe thats always the case.

I think of it this way you question him.....God is our Heavenly Father (for those of us who have excepted him as Lord and personal Saviour) we are his children and children are curious and ask the question Why constantly.

My own mother has even critisized me for asking God why he gave me 2 autistic children and for not titheing faithfully (which isn't my choice and is another topic I may talk about some other day)

I often think (and this could be paronoia on my part) that my mom thinks we have two autistic children and my husband is jobless because of the titheing issue and because we have both asked the question why....I tithe with my own money when I can.

Okay how in the world did I get on titheing anyway LOL!

Back to winter and the question of why.?

Winter is such a cold and often dismal season but God in his glorious splendor does provide the sunshine...we just have to be willing to look for it.and sometimes wait for it.

That is one thing I am learning to do..though it is very hard.

I would love to see us financially stable,my husband working and see less financial help from his parents......it can be humiliating.

Exspecially when my side of the family has the nerve to constantly try to tell me how lazy my husband is.......hate to tell you folks but the economy stinks right now,

Okay there I go chasing another rabit LOL!

Back to questioning God correct me if I am wrong,didn't Abraham, David and Job ....once question God ?

There again I think it's all in the way one asks the questions.

I don't think I am going to be struck dead for asking God why did he take Renee or my uncle or adoipted mother who passed away last Sept.

I know both my "adopted mother " and Renee knew Christ and are in Heaven and I will see them again......my uncle on the other hand I am not so sure..

So if one wants to get on me for questioning God about this winter season I'm in emotionally ect then go right ahead.

God knows my heart and he knows my deepest struggles things that I can't utter to anyone let alone understand.

Well thats enough of my rambling......until next time LOL !

It's been a long time since I posted on here. I was on a different blog site for a while but for some odd reason I was suspended.

The only thing I did wrong was post my email in a private message.

I think thats a silly thing to suspend someone for without warning mind you.....but what you going to do.

I don't know how many if any read my blogs on here anymore because I rearly get a comment.

Maybe my blogs are not interesting because they are not political ect.

I just can't get into politics without becomming someone totally different and ugly, I am turned off by blogs like that.

I am planning on writing more and educating the public about the different disabilities even ones that are rare.I think that it is important in todays society to learn about special needs people and how to help or approach them with out being shy or afraid to.

I don't expect to get half the audience I would if I were to talk about Obama,Bieden,McCain or Palin...........but thats okay.

I will warn you I will ! talk alot about my children as they are autistic and I love them very much.

If I talk about my husband then I will do it in a respectful manner....so if you don't like that then sorry but I am trying to save my marriage and that is one way I can.

Well enough of me rambling

 

God told me to post a story I wrote a couple of years ago on here...maybe to encourage those of you who feel less than average .

I will post about my current struggles soon but for now something positive ....you may need a tissue for this one.

 

Broken Pieces

By Laura MacNair

(Unedited Version )

A box of Crayons sat on the shelf at Arthur’s Art Store waiting for the store

to open. It was the first day of the Grand Opening of the store and all the crayons were filled with excitement, as they tried to picture who would choose

them and what beautiful pictures they could make. One box of crayons filled with all kinds of beautiful bright colors bragged that he would be the first box of crayons to be chosen, because, after all, his crayons were the brightest and the biggest and would draw the most beautiful pictures one’s eyes could ever see.

 

As they talked amongst themselves laughing, one of the boxes named Cooper looked over and saw Cory the Crayon box sitting quietly on the shelf.

 

“What’s the matter Cory, did they chip off your tongue?” he said as the

others looked on and laughed.

 

“N..N..Nothing,” he stuttered. “I...I just w..was th..thinking about w...what I w..ant to draw.”

 

“Huh? You draw something? Ha ha ha ha! Thats funny! Why you’re just a box of plain ugly ordinary crayons. No one’s going to want you, even Arthur the Art

man was going to throw you out!” he said snickering as the others laughed

even louder.

 

Just as Conner said that a little boy walked up and looked at all the

Crayons, picking up each box and looking at them, as if trying to choose

the most perfect colors. When he got to Cory Crayon box he picked them up and opened them. “Eww, who would want these crayons?” The boy dropped them on the

floor and stomped on them as his mother was calling him from the

next row of art supplies.

 

“Coming, mother!” the boy said with a sigh as he picked up the crayons and flung them carelessly on the shelf. He picked Conner and another box of crayons named Carl then left.

 

As Cory laid there on the shelf he began to cry. “N..n..nobody w..would want me n..n..now,” he stuttered. “Wh...wh...who was I  k..k..kidding everyone’s right I'm n..n..nothing, my crayons are ugly and n..n..now they’re b..broken int..to pieces.”

 

He watched as other crayon boxes were chosen by kids and adults alike and sobbed and sighed as they left, then one of Arthur’s Art workers would come and put more boxes of crayons on the shelf, ignoring Cory each time.

 

“W.. WHY WON'T A...ANYONE TH... THROW M..ME AWAY?” he yelled. He started crying softly. “I'm useless...useless.”

 

“Hmmm! Useless? Useless?” said a small gentle voice. “I doubt that!”  

 

Cory looked up and saw an old man smiling and looking straight at him. The old man’s face and hands were badly scarred but his eyes, filled with love and compassion, were unlike Cory had ever seen before.

 

“Wow! Cory said to the old man. “W...why would s..someone like you want s..something like me? I..I'm...”  

 

“Shhh!” the old man interrupted. With a smile and a wink he said, “You'll see!”

 

When they got to the cash register Arthur was there. He looked at Cory's crushed box and broken crayons and said “Sir, I was going to throw those ones out- why don't I take them back and get you a brand new box.”

 

“No,” said the old man, “I'll take these. Now how much do I owe you?”

 

“They are usually a dollar. But I'll give that box to you for 10 cents,” Arthur said with a suprised and puzzled look on his face.

 

The old man pulled a 10 dollar bill from his pocket and handed it to Arthur. “Please take this and keep it. These crayons are well worth it!” He picked them up and headed out the door.

 

“Worth it? That guy is crazy,” Arthur thought as he placed the money in the cash

register drawer.

 

Cory the Crayon box sat quietly in the old man’s pocket as the old man walked slowly back to his home. As the old man reached his home, Cory heard him start to sing a song in a language he had never heard before.

 

“What a beautiful voice,” Cory said to himself. “How can such a beautiful voice come out of the old man, whose face and hands are so badly scarred? I wonder what he's singing?”

 

The old man opened the door of his home, took off his coat and pulled Cory the Crayon Box out of his pocket. He placed him on the table next to a large clean white sheet of drawing paper. Again Cory the Crayon box wondered what the old man was going to do with his crayons. There is no way he can use my crayons to draw, they’re too broken and too small to even hold in his hands, Cory thought.

 

Again he heard the old man's gentle voice. “Shhh... trust me, Cory- I have a plan for you.”

 

The old man opened Cory the Crayon box up and gently spilled the badly crushed crayon pieces in his hand. He picked up a little brown piece with his other hand and began to scratch it against the paper, grunting with each stroke of the crayon as though he was in pain. What is he trying to draw? Cory wondered.

 

“Shh,” said the old man. “Look and you will see.”

 

Cory stared as the old man painstakinly drew what looked to Cory like three crosses. Then on the left side of the page he began to draw a crowd of people. In the middle of the crowd he drew a man who was bleeding unmercifully. People were beating him, punching him, and calling him all kinds of bad names.

 

He had what looked like a crown of thorns on his head, and it looked as though someone was beating him over the head. On top of those thorns blood was pouring from his head.

 

“Hey Mister,” Cory said to the old man, “what are you going to draw next? Something beautiful?”

 

Again the old man said “Shhhhhh! You'll see!”  Cory the Crayon Box stood there,

this time with tears running down his little box face, as he watched the old man painfully draw another picture.  In this picture he drew what looked like the same man but he was so badly beaten he was barely recognizable.  This man was carrying a cross up a very steep hill only to fall down under its weight.

Someone dressed in a funny looking costume, looking like a soldier, grabbed another man from the crowd and made him help carry the very bloody man’s cross up the hill.

 

Then he saw the old man draw a cross lying flat on the ground. On that cross they laid the very bloody man.  Cory could now hear the crowd screaming and yelling horrible things at the man. The things they were saying were so horrible it made Cory cry harder and louder

 

The old man had tears in his eyes as well; in fact, he was crying so much tears were streaming down his face and dropping on the paper. The strangest thing was happening, though- the paper wasn’t getting wet. Hmmmmm that’s strange, Cory the Crayon Box thought as he continued to watch the old man. The old man began to slowly draw two men who again looked like soldiers kneeling by each of the bloody man’s arms. Each had a hammer and large, thick nails in their hands.

 

What Cory Crayon Box saw next made Cory scream and close his eyes tight. He saw the soldiers put a nail on each hand, and then he actually heard the sound of the hammers pounding the nails in the bloody man’s hands.

 

“NNN.......NO!”

 

Cory the Crayon box screamed. Then he heard the old man who was now sobbing loudly cry out, “Cory, do you know who I am? Do you believe?”

 

Cory opened his eyes to see the old man standing before him, blood coming out of the scars in his hands and feet. Cory closed his eyes and opened them quickly again. Standing before him was someone whose beauty Cory could not describe. He was smiling and holding out two nail pierced hands.

 

“Jesus, is that you?” he  cried.   

 

“Yes! Cory it is me! I love you and have forgiven you and I have come to make you whole again.”

 

Then Jesus picked up Cory and held him gently in his nail scarred hands and turned him towards the broken crayon pieces. Cory could not take his eyes off the pieces as he watched them one by one form into the most beautiful sparkling crayons that one could ever gaze upon. Then Jesus turned Cory towards him, and as Cory looked into his eyes he gently said, “Now let’s see what I can do for you.”

 

Cory the Crayon box began to feel really strange. Something was happening

to him, but he couldn't take his eyes off of Jesus. He couldn't even blink.

Joy and happiness and a peace like he had never felt before filled Cory.

Suddenly all Cory could see was a beautiful bright light. It was unlike anything he had ever seen before, and at the end of the bright light stood Jesus, holding something in his arms.

 

Jesus moved closer to him, and as he moved Cory the Crayon box saw the most

beautiful sparkling rose he had ever laid eyes on. Suddenly Cory realized that he was that beautiful rose!

 

“Oh Jesus! My Jesus! Thank you!” he said with tears of joy in his eyes. He suddenly realized he was no longer stuttering and squealed with delight. Then he heard Jesus say “Cory, my beautiful shining rose. You are no longer broken, for your faith in me has made you whole. Come sit with me at my table of life in Heaven above, and I will care for you for all eternity.”

 

     It's been a while once again since I last posted ,due too my usual chaotic life which is slowly getting back to some normallity.

    I don't know who or how many of you read my blog or at least check to see if I've wrote another.  but thats okay I plan on keeping up with the blogging even if It's a month or more late from my previous posts.

    It's a good way for me to not only vent but  relax as well.expecially when you need a brake from 2 screaming autistic kids LOL !.

   With all the negativity in my life it was hard to look at the positive until recently.

  One positive is that are lease for the appartment is not being renewed thanks to our lovely neighbour has this passionate love for herself (I didn't mean that in the filthy sense) and  dosen't like kids apparently we are now looking at renting a house.

   With my husbands" part time" job ect it's easy too want to panic and go nuts as we still to this day don't know for sure where we are going to live ...but as my long saga says in the intro that I believe in God and believe he is going to provide for us as he has in the past.

For those of you who may stumble on this and choose not to believe in God don't worry I am not going to beat you over the head and cram him down your throat.

It's just that my faith in God brings so much comfort , and is helping me come to terms with the horrible mistakes I have made the past six months .

I am getting stronger and know that when I rise above all of the muck in my life I will be able to shine forth and help others hurting like I was.

 

     Sometimes in life it seems like we all suffer what I am going to call "dummy attacks " it's when we do things that don't make a whole lot of sense without thinking.

   Children are famous for it.  For example one of my former pastors kids was famous for running out side barefoot in the middle of winter or not wearing a coat......then the next day they would get so sick.....and wonder why..

    Well I kind of had one of those dummy attacks recently (no I didn't go barefoot  in the snow ect) something  even dummer than that

  I hope that a teenager or pre teen child will read this.....I recently posted something personal online on a christian forum ,of all places which had about 14 members in this one section of the forum.

Well you to have a certain amount of posts ect to get in.

    I  have above and beyond they post requirements and was posting in this forum (deppression forum ) when I made a poor choice of judgement and posted some  personal stuff .that 2 days later got me in deep doo ! doo ! someone had misinturptered the post and forwarded it to  well "The powers that be " and now my family and I have to deal with a lot of intrusive vultures.

   There is so much happening because of that mistake (and I am 34 yrs old not 14 )what I did you would expect a 14 yr old or someone younger to do. ,now my whole family is paying for it and I lost  my husbands trust in me.

My husband is a good man and our marriage was strong now it's a little strained but my sweet husband seems to love me enough to work it out.

    I hurt my husband deeply and even though I said I was sorry and asked God to forgive me  it's still hard for me not to want to blame myself and beat myself up

   But God in his infinate love ,grace and power is helping me forgive myself and I am looking forward to one day being able to us this mistake Or bad experience to help others.

    Meanwhile I must "face the music" as the saying says and suffer the consequences of my actions.

    Please pray that I will be able to lead those who are struggleing around me to Christ.

    One "good" thing that came out of this is not only am I Bi Polar/Manic deppressive (least I struggle with it)  I also have BPD (boarderline personality disorder )

    No I am not crazy ....just a little nuts LOL ! I will post more about

BPD (Borderline personality disorder ) in my next blog entry.....no I don't here voices ect.

Meanwhile I must go..........until next time !

 

   

Due to some  excessive bleeding (and pain often severe ) I am faceing surgery and a 2 day hospital stay tommorrow  ( 10/19/07 )so I don't know when I will be able to post again, as usual there is a lot happening but the above is the most important.

I keep telling my husband that the nice thing about me having surgery is that I get to milk it for all it's worth LOL !

My church family will be provideing meals for us so my hubby and MIL won't have to cook

My MIL is on her way as I type this from Mancelona Michigan here to Elyria Ohio....and will be helping my husband and I out with the kids for a couple of weeks Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! just kidding we get along great sometimes even better than I do my own mother......I love her very much.

2 weeks of Dr. Phil and Oprah ........yikes !!! LOL !.

Please pray for my kids while I am in the hospital....my sons autistic melt downs have been really really bad lately and often  I am the only one who can calm him down.....too make matters worse we have to wait 2 days for our sons insurence to kick in before we can get his meds refilled and he needs them desperately.

It's amazing how life can be so crazy and hectic one minute then for a brief moment blissful..then back .

Can't say I'm bored though.....I'm not stiff enough LOL !......I know that joke was awful wasn't it  ?.

One good thing is my husband and I just celebrated our 9th anniversary on Aug 8th which is a miracle and a blessing.

To think that we once hated each other a few years ago but God got a hold of us and changed all that and restored our marriage.

I love my husband very much though there are times I don't show it like I should..something of which God and I are working on.

It's so easy for me to get caught up in the day to day challenges of dealing with 2 precious autistic children plus my own health both mental (Bi Polar depression) and physical and forget the precious man I married.

It's also easy for me to get synical and focus on his faults instead of his strengths expecially when I am ....well female ......LOL !  but that in itself is no excuse.

I am trying my best to focus on his strengths and give God his faults and weeknesses ,  as well as mine the poor guy has alot to deal with .

A Bi Polar (somewhat emotionally unstable at times ) wife and 2 autistic blessings.

Speaking of autistic blessings (or in this case blessing)  I would appreciate your prayers for my 7 yr old son Matthew we have been having some issues with continuous severe melt downs (autistic fits that  are often violent come out of the blue and are uncontrollable).

He will scream, constantly bang his head on things scratch or scrape himself...and get into things constantly even after we discipline him for it.

He is extreemly Obsessive Compulsive and has been known to attack his little sister Rebecca .

His doctor changed his medicines again so please pray that it works as we are at our wits end.

I seem to be the only one that can calm him down and sometimes that takes a while.

This is very diffucult on my husband when I have meetings at my church and he has to stay home with him.

I really would not like to give up my ministries at my church as that is a good stress releiver and outlet and I need to get out more....since I can't drive and have to depend on others to take me to places when I can't walk to them.

If only my church had a nursery or special needs ministry at my church in the evenings.....maybe one day we will.

Well I am going to close this for now.....Hope all of my blog freinds are doing well.

God bless you all.

 

 

 Hi all !  It's been 2 weeks since my surgery and I just had my staples (ect) remove yesterday.

I am still very sore expecially at night but I can move around and lift things .

I am still having some of the same problems I had before the surgery but not as bad...they are annoying but tolerable.

My Doctor told me that these symptoms may last me a while but that if I am still having them or they get worse to come see him in 6 months and they will do a hysterectomy.

The good news is they tested the fibriods and pallup and I don't have cancer...Praise God.

Overian and Cervical run like wild fire on my moms side of the family......but generational curses are made to be broken right.

So I don't have to worry my short little self over it. It's in Gods hands.....

Now to change the subject , I have been seriously been thinking of changing the name and possibly the format of this blog.

As I my title seems to be attracting ....people looking for illegal porn.

Maybe its a good thing that they come here ,maybe something I say or one of my few precious viewers will say something in the comment section that will get their attention.

I have also decided, I should say God is telling me that I need to start posting more scriptures ect on here and will go back to honoring and praying for anyone whose life is being touched by a special needs child.

I will also pray for that child's special needs as well and with your permission will post them up on our Sunday school board at church.

As far as the name change goes it will be something like "Hidden Treasures" as my blog will be dealing mostly with special needs children and adults who struggle with Deppressive disorders...or what ever else God leads me to write about.

I have to remind myself that this is God's blog so it will honor him....thats why I plan on staying away from the ugly political stuff most blogs are made of today.

I've even had to remove a  blog from my side bar which saddened me as one didn't quite sit well with the purpose of this blog and I didn't want my veiwers to get the wrong idea about me.

Well enough of my rambling for the night....LOL !